


Vows

by sheroars



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Soft and Disgusting, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-17 09:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15458430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheroars/pseuds/sheroars
Summary: "I asked you to marry me.""In your defense, you had been drinking."





	1. Cut to the Quick

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warning: Discussion of assault and domestic abuse

They had a weekly arrangement. A standing date, if you will. Soft and disgusting, really. They always swore they would never be the kind of couple that had to schedule time together but Lucia was bent on spending time with Noah during the week, not wanting to be something she called an uninvested abuelita. Noah adored her and she adored him, so nobody was complaining.

 

It was half past four on a Thursday afternoon which meant it was almost time to pack it in and meet Rafael at their regular bar or a new restaurant. When he called she answered on the second ring, sinking back into her chair and pulling her glasses off her face with a sigh of relief.

 

"Hey there."     

 

"Hi-" His tone was off.

 

"Something wrong?"

 

"Check your local trending news lately?" Her heart leapt into her throat. She put him on speaker and opened her news app. The third headline down caught her attention. _Stabbing Incident at Columbia University._

 

"Jesus, are you okay?"

 

"I'm okay." She opened the story. "I was across campus. A senior killed his girlfriend and then himself on the second floor of the library." It finally clicked.

 

"One of yours?" He let out a heavy sigh.  

 

"They were both in my bar exam prep group. She was in my office hours…every other day practically. He was always waiting for her outside. I actually thought it was sweet." Something like self loathing crept into his voice. She bit her lip.

 

"You can't-"

 

"I know, I know."

 

"Bourbon or scotch?" He shuffled, laughing lightly. She pictured him bent over his desk with his eyes closed, rubbing the back of his neck. 

 

"There's a new bottle of bourbon at home."

 

"I'll pick up some Chinese then. Want me to meet you at-?"

 

"The university is closed. I'm on my way out. I'll see you at home." He paused, listening to her breathe for a moment. "I love you." Oh Rafael. She inhaled deeply. 

 

"I love you. So much. I'll see you in a few."

 

"Thank you." He mumbled, hanging up. She listened to the dead line for a moment before jumping into action, packing up her bag and throwing on her coat. She slipped down the hall, texting the people that needed to know she was taking the following day off. She pulled the news story back up. There were already video clips of homicide detectives and witnesses speaking to the media. In the chaos of it all, a lot of the details had been leaked. A barely composed young woman had seen the whole thing and had tried to help. She spoke to a news team with a group of campus activists behind her. 

 

_He stabbed her twice in the throat and then he just…stood there. Eyes glazed over. I screamed for help and tried to stop the bleeding but he slashed his own wrists before the campus police could get to us. As a woman on this campus…as a survivor of domestic abuse myself I am shocked. Appalled. Disgusted. They will try to call him a victim. They will try to water this down. I will not be silenced. I will-_

 

Olivia swallowed hard and abruptly locked her phone, tossing it in her bag. The subway seemed to be moving ridiculous slow. Her leg started to ache and she realized she had been bouncing it for the better part of 20 minutes, probably giving her ankle a blister in the process. The Chinese place down the block whipped up their usual order in less than 10 minutes. On the last stretch home she focused on her breathing, desperately trying to calm herself down so she wouldn't stress him out with frantic energy. When she slipped her key into the lock the door immediately opened. He took the take out bag from her over-full arms. She dropped her bag and toed off her boots with a sigh, shrugging her coat before following him to the kitchen.

 

"Hey." He was quiet. Pale. And his expression was carefully guarded. She slipped up behind him, wrapping one arm around his waist and the other around his chest, holding on as tight as she could. He bowed his head and sighed. She pressed her lips to the back of his neck and breathed deeply. He fidgeted with their dinner containers before gripping the counter with both hands, going a little weak in her arms. "I'm so sorry."

 

"I should have been able to…I keep thinking. What did I miss?" She put a hand over his heart, touching her lips to his shoulder.

 

"You didn't miss anything."

 

"Just the façade." He mused, voice hoarse. She could reiterate what he already knew- how many different ways this could have happened. Years of ritual abuse could yield the same result as one, unusually violent argument. But she didn't. She just kept holding him. After a long minute she pulled back, edging around him and pushing herself up to sit on the counter just next to him. He fixed her with a long look, corner of his mouth ticking up slightly as she leaned over to touch her forehead to his. He took her face in his hands to kiss her cheeks and nose and lips adoringly. 

 

"What can I do?" She mumbled against his lips. He gasped out a wry laugh, leaning back while trying to link together some coherent thoughts. He frowned, shrugging.  

 

"Tell me what to do, Liv." She stroked the side of his face. There was something cold in his gaze, like he was trying to press down a more base visceral reaction.  

 

"Don't do that. Don't shut yourself down. You have to let yourself grieve." She rubbed circles on his temple with her thumb. "Let yourself feel. This was a tragedy. You know that. Your campus. Your student. You are close enough to be angry and disgusted and sad." He bit his lip and shifted his weight. "But you have to push out that guilt. There was no way you could have been close enough to stop this from happening. If there had been a sign you would have seen it." He leaned forward, kissing her quickly. "What was her name?"

 

"Ada Hernandez. From Buffalo. She wanted to start a child advocacy firm." He shifted closer. "First in her family to go to college. Child of immigrants. Very kind. Very bright. I need…I need to do something but I don't know what."         

 

"Eat with me, even if it tastes bland. Lie down with me, even if you can't sleep. It'll come to you." 

 

"There's going to be a vigil tomorrow."         

 

"I'll go with you." He inhaled deeply, sliding a hand up the top of her thigh, anchoring himself to her belt. She took his chin in her hands and kissed him lingeringly.

 

"I think…I'm going to take a shower. I feel-"   

 

"I get it." He linked his fingers with hers and tugged until she was sliding off the counter. She smiled and followed along beside him. Under the nearly boiling spray, between washing and rinsing, he kissed her over and over. Slow and methodical. Sinking into the comfort of intimacy more than anything. She draped her arms around his shoulders and tasted the water drops on his jaw. He rubbed his cheek against hers. She massaged the top of his spine. She wanted to ask what he was feeling now, but she sensed he needed the quiet. His kisses dripped down her neck and across her shoulder before he shut the water off.

 

They ate lukewarm chinese food in bed with the TV on, purposely avoiding the news. He cleaned up their take out boxes and poured them both a drink. Straight bourbon for himself, mixed with coke for her. She watch him take a single long drink before lying down, resting his cheek on her thigh. He pushed her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and pressed a long kiss to her knee.

 

"I think about my father…" He said softly. "I remember who he was before the drinking started. Not perfect, but a good man. He lost his job. And then the odd jobs dried up. Mami got her first promotion. He broke two fingers on his face."

 

"God." She whispered.

 

"I thought I was going to snap like that. Something would rub me the wrong way and I would have a little too much to drink and I would just…break." She sucked in a breath, plucking at the collar of his shirt.

 

"When we were at our worst, my mom broke a bottle on my back." He brought a hand up to caress her leg. "First house party I ever went to I got so tanked." She frowned. "Someone called the police because I was trying to kick someone's ribs in."

 

"Liv…"

 

"I thought I was a time bomb. And I was for awhile." She took a drink, clinked the ice around. "When that behavior is modeled in front of you, it's impossible not to learn from it. You have to work so hard to unlearn it. And believe me, I've messed up. More than once. I would just…snap. And it almost cost me everything." He turned over so he could wrap his arms around her, hiding his face against her stomach. "Then you came along. And when we had a bit too much drink we would just laugh. Talk a bit too much." She felt him inch her shirt up. He kissed her hip ardently, smearing what felt like a stray tear against her skin. "Last time we drank vodka we were in bed by ten." He chuckled. "We're not them. We're better. We get to say that. We learned. You are so gentle, Rafael. Soft despite your circumstances. I know I'm safe with you. I know my son is safe with you. Nothing is going to change you. Not like that." He breathed deeply, holding her tighter.

 

"I hope you're right." He said. She kept stroking his hair.

 

"You ever think about how Noah treats Jessie Rollins and the other little girls in his class? His tee ball team?" He cracked a smile. "He's learning. He watches you as much as he watches me. He sees us. He'll never lift a hand in anger, unless it's in defense. That may not seem like a lot right now, but he'll be one more person in the world that knows how to love someone without violence or anger. That can and absolutely will save someone's life."

 

"Jesus, Liv." He gave a shuddering sigh. She put her drink aside and bent over him, wrapping her arms around him. He pushed up from her lap to make it easier on her. He looked at her intensely, stroking hair back from her face and drawing his fingers down her neck. "You…" He struggled for words. "You." He sighed. She smiled, daring to kiss him. Soft and sweet. "I promise-" He wet his lip, abruptly wiping his eyes. She tucked her face into his neck and kissed his pulse point. "I'm so-" He swore at his inability to articulate his feelings. "I love you."

 

They sat their with wet eyes awhile longer. Clinging. When she felt his weight starting to settle against her chest, energy flagging, she tugged at his shirt and nudged him towards the pillows.

 

"Come here." He pulled back, looking apologetic. "Shock will always bleed you dry." He lay down beside her, pinching the bridge of his nose as she took their empty glasses to the kitchen and locked up the apartment. She switched out all the lights before getting back into bed with him. He blindly fit his palm to her cheek. She held it in place as she turned her head, brushing her lips across his life line and then his wrist. "I want to believe there's a merciful god of some sort. I want to believe there's some sort of plan or purpose that clarifies every question we've ever asked." He hummed, squeezing her fingers. 

 

"I'd almost rather the opposite. Entropy. Chance."

 

"No plan?"

 

"No plan." He smiled again. "I need the time to iron out the wrinkles from all the self sabotaging." She giggled.

 

"Be serious."

 

"I am. It's nice to know my idiocy is my own invention." Her fingers slipped from his to grip his forearm.

 

"There's nothing idiotic about fear."

 

"Tell that to my blood pressure." She huffed and rolled her eyes but it was good to see him smiling again. She leaned over, kissing the corner of his mouth before tucking herself under his chin, curling a leg around his thigh. He drug his fingers up and down her back. She was no expert, but his heart sounded fine to her. Steady. Even. She found herself getting bleary and sleepy just listening to him breathe.

 

"Has it ever occurred to you that I really like everything about you? Just because you don't like something about yourself doesn't mean I do." She mused.

 

"Once or twice." He tugged on the ends of her hair affectionately.

 

"I asked you to marry me."

 

"In your defense, you had been drinking." She snorted. They laughed.

 

"Should we not have a reception in a bar, then?"

 

"Probably not." She sighed, twisting her fingers in the hem of his shirt before sliding her hand under it altogether, pushing up to press against his chest, reverently cupping his grandmother's crucifix pendent. "You have such a beautiful heart." He mumbled against the top of her head. "I don't think I'll ever deserve it."

 

"Guess it's good you don't get to decide that." He carded his fingers through her hair and hummed. "Everywhere you've been and everywhere you'll ever go…they're inextricable from the version of you that I'm always falling in love with." He breathed deeply, holding her a little tighter.

 

"Thank you."  


	2. Bless the Rain

It started raining the next morning at dawn and it only got darker and heavier from there.

 

Lucy picked up Noah from Lucia's and took him to school so Olivia could stay with Rafael. At noon they finally got up and got dressed. They set out for the episcopal church that was a few block over from the university campus. The sanctuary was packed with people and flowers and flickering candles. They sat towards the back. A few of his students came over to say hello and shake his hand.

 

It was a truly beautiful vigil. Ada's mother started the service, slowly making her way to the front of the church and seating herself at the baby grand piano to play an elegy. Olivia reached for Rafael's hand and drew it into her lap, firmly lacing their fingers in one hand and caressing the bend of his elbow with the other. Ada's younger brother spoke beautifully on her life. Her father spoke powerfully on honoring her memory. Some of her closest friends told wonderful stories. One played guitar. A minister led them through a short set of prayers and a sermon. Ada's advising professor from Columbia announced a scholarship in her name, as well as a university partnership with a local women's shelter.

 

"Some say we can never prevent it. Politicians especially. Gunmen in our schools. Violence in our homes. But we owe our community our best fucking effort, don't we?" The crowd murmured and moved in agreement. The community was polarized by the event. But catalyzed. As heavy as the tragedy felt there was levity in everyone's hope for demonstrable change.  

 

It took awhile to exit the building. Everyone was dragging their feet, greeting each other or embracing family and friends. Rafael let out a deep breath as the cold air finally hit them. He unfurled their umbrella and tucked an arm around her waist as they shuffled out of the way. A small procession was heading towards the university to plant a tree and leave flowers on the library steps. 

 

"Coffee?" She suggested. He nodded and offered her a soft smile. They could use the warmth. She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, briefly looking back over his shoulder towards the church. "She's loved."

 

"She is." He agreed. They wandered to a Starbucks and claimed some barstools that faced the windows once black coffee was secured. He wrapped a hand around her thigh. "Thank you for coming with me."

 

"Of course, Rafa." She stroked the back of his hand before holding it in place. "When does the school open again?"

 

"Not until the new term."

 

"In January?" She raised en eyebrow.

 

"The school and NYPD are launching investigations. There was only a week left until the Christmas holidays anyway. Everyone's finals can be done online." He swallowed, squeezing her leg and absently moving his thumb back and forth across her knee. "It's good. We need it. I feel like I can focus now."

 

"On what?"

 

"You." He said. She laughed as it dawned on her.

 

"Almost forgot, can you believe it?" She mumbled. "How many weeks?"

 

"Three." She could have sworn his eyes manufactured their own light. Three weeks. She was going to marry this man in less than a month. Something warm settled in the middle of her chest. She leaned forward, putting her elbow on the counter and looking as if she were going to let him in on a big secret. 

 

"Want to see my dress?"

 

"How many years bad luck if I say yes?"

 

"I won't tell if you don't."

 

"If my mother calls it's because she sensed a disturbance in the universe." 

 

"You can blame me. C'mon." Even though it was still raining they opted to walk. She kept her arm looped tightly through his. There was something soothing about the present moment. Fresh.

 

Olivia had gone dress shopping at an obscure vintage discount boutique a few weeks back with Lucia Barba, Amanda, Finn, and Gail in tow. They had all been teasing and tightlipped about the whole thing, despite now non-traditional the proceedings were going to be. "Gail's going to talk to Noah today about his part in the ceremony. She's going to pick him up from school." It struck him rather suddenly, how genuinely good the people were around him.

 

"Mami finally convinced her to stay for Christmas. She's going to spend a week with her friends in the Catskills but then she'll come back." He said. Olivia beamed. 

 

"Good." There was going to be a big dinner at Lucia's on Christmas day. Noah was already vibrating with excitement even though he had a few days of school left.

 

They finally made it home. They shook off their wet things and discarded their shoes. Olivia combed her fingers through her hair and pulled it up into a messy bun as she led the way to their bedroom. Rafael sat on the bed, taking off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt as she retrieved a dress bag from the closet. She dropped it on the bed next to him and unzipped it. He was momentarily speechless. He fingered the soft champagne colored fabric and gaped. She felt her cheeks flushing. She abruptly began stripping her clothes off, taking the dress off the hangar and sliding it on.

 

"Christ…" It was a bell sleeved gown with lace from the elbows to the wrist and around the hem. A ribbon cinched the waist. The dropped v neck showed off the rose gold dove pendent that never left her neck. A gift from him. She pulled her hair down again and gave him a full turn. He put his hands on her hips and held her like she was made of glass. She stood between his knees as his head fell forward against her stomach. She bit her lip and looked at the ceiling as he took shuddering breaths, trying very hard not to weep on her gown. "I can't believe this is happening."

 

~

 

"GAIL." Noah Porter Benson came tearing down the hall the minute he spotted his friend.

 

"Hey No-No!" Gail quickly finished signing him out at the front desk so she could catch him and haul him up on her hip. "Can we get ice cream?"

 

"It's freezing outside bub, how about some hot chocolate?"

 

"YUM. Bye Miss Margie!" The secretary laughed.

 

"Bye Mr. Benson. See you tomorrow." Gail put him down so he could put his raincoat on. They set out into the city, hand in hand. Noah delighted in the fact that they had matching red rainboots. Gail led him to the closest diner as they chatted about his day. She got him hot chocolate and an order of french fries and some coffee for herself.  

 

"So, my small friend...your Mommy's wedding is coming up."

 

"Yep!" Noah kicked his feet and beamed.

 

"Have you been talking about it?"

 

"Oh yah! Rafa's been talking to me about it even before he talked to Mom about it." He puffed out his chest proudly. Gail grinned, remembering how Rafael had sought Noah's blessing before even considering a ring. Olivia had beat him to the punch but it was an achingly sweet gesture. 

 

"What else do you know?" She asked. 

 

"Mom got a dress. It's gonna be on January first. We're gonna have a party. I gotta wear a suit but I get to be the best man and hold the rings when Mom says so." He listed, humming a little as his face screwed up in concentration. "OH and Rafa said you were gonna marry them! What does that mean? Are you gonna live with us?" She snorted. 

 

"You've seen weddings in movies before, haven't you? I know abuelita made you watch the royal wedding with her. Someone stands at the front of the church and says _you may kiss the bride_. That's gonna be me."

 

"AWESOME."

 

"Do you know what it means to get married, No-No?"

 

"Mom's gonna be Rafi's wife and Rafi's gonna be Mom's husband. And they're gonna wear rings." He grinned.

 

"You're so smart."

 

"Mom's also been talking to me about formel-ities."

 

"Formalities?"

 

"Yah that! She says we've always been a family but this is like…a formality. It's like when you're good at school and the teacher gives you a certificate. It doesn't change anything but it shows everyone else that you're good at school. I got a certificate last month from Miss Margie for good behavior. Like that. But for families."

 

"That's absolutely right." Gail found herself blinking back tears. "So during the ceremony your Mom and Rafi are going to make each other some promises. In a wedding they're called vows. They're gonna tell everyone in that room how much they love each other. Might be a little icky." Noah pulled a face a giggled. "But there's also going to be a time when they make some vows to you." Noah beamed suddenly, remembering another detail. 

 

"Rafa asked if he could adopt me, just like Mom did."

 

"Exactly. They're going to promise you, just like they're promising each other, that they're gonna be there for you no matter what. How does that sound?"

 

"Good." Noah burst into giggles again, probably a little sugar buzzed from his drink. Gail laughed too. "Should I make some vows for Mom and Rafa?"

 

"Now that would be a super nice gift. They would love that."

 

"Will you help me?"

 

"Absolutely."

 

"It's gotta be a secret though, Gail. Gifts are supposed to be surprises."

 

"You can count on me. I read your Mom's and Rafa's vows and I didn't tell anybody. Not yet anyway." Noah dissolved into giggles again, flopping dramatically across the booth seat.     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based Olivia's dress off the first gown from this article: 
> 
> https://www.purewow.com/fashion/non-traditional-wedding-dresses-2017 
> 
> Thank you all for the kind words xoxo


	3. Mine

 

The handful of weddings Rafael had been to had been loud and chaotic affairs that seemed to leave the bride and groom more exhausted that anything else. Blessedly, he found his own to be quite the opposite.

 

The ceremony had been flawless and beautiful. Big white church chapel. More carnations than they could count. All the people they cared about in the first three or four pews. Gail had everybody laughing and weeping and giving them a standing ovation at the end. The dinner was delicious. Everybody was deliriously happy or halfway drunk or both. The bar they had rented out was stunning and classy and softly lit. Lucia had surprised them all with a small jazz band, with whom his cousin Delphia was singing a lovely crooning number now. Olivia wound her arms around his neck and he came back to his body. They were rocking back and forth to the music.

 

"Hey." She grinned.

 

"Hi." He said a little breathlessly before kissing her. There was a red carnation behind her ear and everything smelled and tasted sweet. The song came to an end and the small crowd burst into applause. She tucked her face into his neck and doubled her grip, fisting one hand in his charcoal colored suit vest. His fingers skimmed down the back of her wedding dress. "I love you, Olivia." 

 

"I love you t- oh my god Lucy just kissed Gail on the mouth." He fell away laughing so hard he almost snorted. The band started up with another song and more people spilled on to the dance floor. Rafael only laughed harder when he noticed their nanny and their officiant among them, arms around each other. They sat at a table with Cragen and Munch. A lot of his family came over to kiss their cheeks and squeeze their hands. Noah came running over to sit in Rafael's lap. He had lost his suit jacket and shoes somewhere along the way. His little shirt was also halfway unbuttoned. He had been showing off the small prayer medal Rafael had bestowed on him during the ceremony, identical to his own, as apart of his vow of adoption. 

 

~

 

_Noah, a long time ago my grandmother gave one of these to me as sign of her faith and devotion to me. It was also a promise, that she would care for me forever. I am giving this to you for the same reasons. I think about you everyday, amigo. I love you as much as I love your Mom because there is no Olivia Benson without Noah Benson. I promise to be your friend and your protector. I promise to be here for you no matter what. I will always listen, always help, and always love you. We are family and I will always put you first._

 

_~_

 

"You gonna cut the cake soon, Rafa?" 

 

"Absolutely." The boy gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek and settled back on his chest.

 

"It's a good party, huh Mama?"

 

"Sure is, sweet boy." Suddenly Gail was sliding into the last empty chair at their table, putting a gift bag in front of them before shrugging off her pin stripe suit jacket and rolling up her shirt sleeves. Lucy was at the bar, getting what appeared to be two cocktails. 

 

"Did you just seduce our nanny?" Rafael stage whispered. She popped open the top two buttons of her shirt.

 

"This is our third date old boy, keep up. Open your gift." Olivia burst into laughter with Munch and Cragen while reaching for the gift. She almost immediately teared up when she found two framed photos of Noah inside, one for each of them.

 

"That's me!" Noah crowed happily. "And those are my promises!" He pointed out. In the image Noah was posed somewhere in Central Park, beaming and holding up a piece of paper almost as big as he was. Someone had carefully helped him printed the "vows" he had given earlier at the ceremony in response to Rafael's adoption vow. _I will help you like you help me. I will love you like you love me. Always and forever._

 

"It's beautiful, Gail." Rafael leaned over to kiss her cheek.

 

"Keep digging. You'll regret giving me your vows so early on." Olivia produced a pen case with two thick silver fountain pens, delicately engraved with excerpts from their vows down the barrel. From a distance it looked like fine filigree. _Till I run out of air to breathe. I choose you._ "Since you both work in offices all the time now I thought-"

 

"Incredible." Olivia said tearfully, wiping her eyes before getting up to hug their young friend. The ceremony came rushing back in an instant, vows echoing in their ears. 

 

~

 

 _Olivia. Not too long ago, you told me that everything I've ever been and everywhere I could ever go is all connected to the version of me that is worthy of your relentless love and unceasing affection. Today I'm promising to spend the rest of my life trying to return this honor and this gift that you've given me. With this ring I promise to bring out the best in you because you bring out the best in me. To love. To care. To shelter and protect. To share in the building of home and family and above all, the care and keeping of Noah. Burdens and Joys. The minute I saw you, I knew you would crack my life open. And I am so glad this is how you decided to do it. Till I run out of air to breathe, I am yours alone._  

 

~

 

_Rafael you teach me something new almost every day. I've never known love like this. I never knew I was capable of loving like this. You see me for who I am and it's breathtaking. Today I promise to honor our friendship and our partnership. I choose you. We took our time. A long time. If I could do it over again, I would only convince myself to find you sooner. Love you longer. We have already had and held through tears and laughter and in sickness and health so with this ring I promise you the best of myself. To cherish the heart and soul that you so freely give to me and my son. I love you endlessly._

 

_~_

 

They cut into a three layer chocolate cake and he could stop looking at the ring on his own finger. Nick Amaro gave a lovely speech but made the grave mistake of passing the mic to Sonny and Finn. And then on to Lucia and Rafael's older cousin, Renaldo. The music was brought back up and the dancing began again. Everyone settled in with their drinks and good company and relished in the moment. Olivia found herself watching her friends and loved ones from the crook of her husband's neck, wrapped in his arms while mindless moving to the beat of a soft Latin song.

 

Noah and Jessie were weaving in and out between people's legs, shrieking and giggling and dancing. Sonny had brought along an astonishingly handsome young man who he introduced as his "neighbor" but the two were dancing rather close now. Nick was showing off his new fiancé, a beautiful woman from Sacramento, and catching up with Fin and Melissa Warner. Alex Cabot was hand in hand with her girlfriend and deep in conversation with Cragen and Munch. Amanda was learning how to dance bolero from Renaldo. Gail and Lucy were at the bar, laughing loud and often. Peter Stone had made friends with Casey Novak and the two of them had been wrangled into a table with Lucia, several other Barba family members, and George Huang.

 

"This is perfect. You're perfect." She mumbled. He pressed a long kiss to her temple.

 

"You're _my wife._ " He said, holding her closer. Suddenly Noah was tugging at her skirt and his trouser leg.

 

"Dance with me." Rafael made room, putting Noah on his feet and carefully positioning his arms around his mother's waist. He posed Olivia next before leading them through a few moves of a slow bolero. _This is mine._ Olivia thought, equal parts astonished and elated.     


	4. A Soft Beginning

They agreed on taking a week or so away from the city to readjust and relax.      

 

Noah was bundled off to Lucia's and she drew up a fairly extensive schedule for herself, Gail, Lucy, and Amanda to keep the little boy thoroughly entertained and well cared for when he wasn't in school. Rafael and Olivia took an early morning train to Boston and relished the change of pace and scenery. She had a book propped on her lap and her head propped on his shoulder most of the way. She had stolen his scarf somewhere in transit. Thrills had been running up and down his spine for days now and they didn't seem to be slowing down. He slipped his left hand between her knees and watched the wintery country side fly by them.

 

They stayed in the city for three days doing little else but eating, drinking, and lazily seeing the sights. Art galleries, libraries, coffee houses, seafood restaurants, and Asian kitchens filled their time between staying up too late and sleeping through half the morning. It had been awhile since his college days, but he still knew the rhythms of the city like the back of his hand. On the fourth day they rented a car and drove out to Rockport. They had vacationed there with Noah less than a year ago. In winter is was as quiet as it was achingly beautiful. Snow flurries stuck to the window of their beachside cottage and it almost felt like they were the last people left on earth.

 

"You ever think about investment property?" She asked, carding her fingers through his hair. She was lying on her back in bed, barely dressed even though it was the middle of the day. He was lying on his stomach, between her thighs with his cheek pillowed on her stomach. The kisses he laid above her belly buttoned tickled something fierce with the beard he was growing in. He chuckled and it rumbled deep in his chest.

 

"As a life long New Yorker that barely puts up with your HGTV obsession? No." She snorted, tugging on his hair.

 

"You like Flea Market Flip."

 

"It's interesting." He deflected. "But the Property Brothers and the rest of those gentrifying house flipping bastards make me wanna hurl." She dissolved into giggles. "Wait, what was the question again?"

 

"Would you buy a house out here?"

 

"With you? Of course." He said softly. She felt his smile against the left side of her rib cage. "Feeling domestic?" He asked, suddenly moving up so that he was hovering over her properly.

 

"Painfully so." She admitted, hooking a leg behind his thighs and sighing happily as he kissed and nipped his way up her neck, up towards her ear. "When the three of us were here…it kind of clicked for me and I'm getting those same feelings now."

 

"Do tell." He switched to the other side of her neck.

 

"So happy I could cry."

 

"Don't do that." He teased, lifting his head and cupping her face, swiping his thumbs under her eyes even though her cheeks were dry. "Because then I'll start crying and then-" She laughed, reaching for a pillow and clobbering him across the face with it. He rolled away, grinning as she took on a fake pout. He took her chin in his hand and kissed it away. "Want to go for a walk?"

 

"Yes please." They bundled up against the cold and laced up their boots. The ocean was roaring and the frosty sand crackled under their heels. He plunged his hands into his pockets and watched her scramble up on some salt encrusted rocks with considerable amusement. When she balanced herself at the top, wind tossing her hair in several directions, he snuck a picture. She heard his iPhone click and blindly reached back towards him, gesturing for him to join her. He climbed up. She sat down and propped her own phone up in the crag of another rock, opening the camera and putting on the timer. He sat behind her, anchoring an arm around her waist and pressing warm kisses to her cheek until she was wriggling and snorting with laughter. "C'mon I have like three photos of you smiling at a camera." He obliged and she kissed him properly. She sighed and leaned back on him. He watched the ocean while she found a photo she liked enough to post to instagram. He sputtered out a laugh at her sudden abject horror when it immediately got 15 likes and 5 comments from his cousins, his mother, Sonny, Amanda, Gail, and Lucy.

 

"Post notifications." He snickered. "Every step you take…"

 

"My follower count tripled after the wedding."

 

"You're a Barba now."

 

"Benson-Barba." She poked his chest. "According to the nameplate on my desk oh so kindly gifted to me by the weepy young woman running our HR department." He laughed again. Heart warmed by her words.

 

He stroked her cheek with his fingertips and leaned his forehead against hers. They sat there on the beach until she mumbled something about their ass cheeks freezing to the rocks. He hurried them back to the cottage and started a fire in the hearth. She made them a pot of coffee and started googling places to order take out from. She wrapped a blanket around herself and stretched out on the couch, pillowing her head on his lap. He pulled hair behind her ear and kicked his feet up on the coffee table. She gave him an incredibly fond look before closing her eyes. "Beautiful girl." He mumbled, almost sleepily. 

 

"All those nice feelings…hold on to them for when you're pissed off at me next week." She teased.

 

"You planning on pissing me off? Scheduling it now?"

 

"This relationship was built on pissing each other off. Sometimes intentionally."

 

"Well I mean, either your snores are getting softer or I'm getting better at sleeping through them." She elbowed him in the stomach as she crossed her arms behind her head and fixed him with a fake nasty look. "The kicking though…" She snorted. His fingers ghosted across her throat and chin. "We don't fight like we used to." She playfully nipped at his knuckle.

 

"You've gone soft around the edges, Rafael Barba." One of those lazy lopsided smiles crossed his face. Her heart fluttered.

 

"So have you." 

 

"So you're saying when we do fight, it'll be for old time's sake?" Yet another laugh bubbled out of him. He leaned his head back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling.

 

"Probably so." 

 

"Nauseating."

 

"A bit." They stretched out the moment like taffy, basking in the literal and metaphorical warmth drenching the room. She bit her lip, smiling again.

 

"You don't miss it?" There was still a soft place in her heart for the old times. Puzzles. Sleepless nights. Too much alcohol. Rushing across the borough. Maybe in another life they kept it up till the very end. He hummed. 

 

"Not yet, mi amor. Not yet."  

 

"Gail didn't even give you a chance to object." She mused. 

 

"Pardon?"

 

"You know. _Speak now or forever hold your peace._ We skipped that bit." 

 

"C'mere." He nudged her shoulder. "I wanna hold you." She willingly sat up and then relocated to his lap, looping her arms around his neck and tucking herself into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her waist so firmly she had to shift up to breathe properly. He momentarily released one arm so he could find her left hand and tap her ring. "No take backs." He teased in a whisper against her hair. She beamed. "Listen. I've always prayed, even when I didn't know if anyone was listening. I prayed for peace. Understanding. Hope." He took a deep breath. "And now you're here. Like some sort of goddamn fucking angel." She screwed her eyes shut. "When I say you're a gift I mean it. You've touched my heart and I will never be the same. Now we can joke about objections every night till we die if you want, but I'm your husband and I don't plan on ever giving that up. Not if I can help it. I want that to be clear." She took a shuddering breath.

 

"Your heart, Rafael…" She turned his face towards her own and tried not to cry. "You're all heart."

 

"For you."

 

"For everyone. But you make me feel like I can do anything. And it's really hitting me-" She swallowed. "We're doing this." He grinned.

 

"Yeah."

 

"I love you. God." She wiped at her eyes. "But we can't keep talking like this I'm going to fucking dehydrate." They held on to each other until she regained her composure. 

 

"Want to order some dinner and watch shitty reality TV?"

 

"You just the most beautiful things I've ever heard and made me cry, and you don't even want to fool around first? What kind of honeymoon is thi-" He had her pinned to the couch so fast she let out an involuntary shriek that quickly dissolved into laughter, the truly mirthful kind that came from the bone.     


End file.
